I quit my job.
I was unemployed for about a month or so. During which time I went through a bout of depression followed by hypomania.
I was taken off Depakote because it made me gain about forty pounds.
I was taken off Lexapro and moved to Cymbalta.
My abilify dose was halved due to possible reactions with Cymbalta.
I found a new job at a pharmacy that I worked before. It's very boring and I find myself wanting to scratch my eye balls out sometimes but at the end of the day it's very easy. I suffered a panic attack my second day there as I felt very overwhelmed by the people coming in and the constant ringing of the phone but I got through it. I'm only working twenty four hours a week, which is hard on the wallet but I'm getting by. I'm really hoping social security comes through in October/November, but I'm sure I'll be denied on my first run.
At my recent psychiatrist appointment, my doctor put bipolar back on the table as my diagnosis. I never really considered it off the table, but as we discussed, the reason it was taken off the table was because I seem to have an issue with telling the whole truth at my appointments. Apparently my control issues keep me from divulging everything out of fear that I am giving up control over myself, he thought, which makes a lot of sense.
With bipolar back on the table came a new drug: Lamictal. Before we decided on this, he offered me a whole range of medications. He told me about their side-effects and how some of them would require frequent blood tests, such as the case with Lithium. Lamictal sounded the most promising for several reasons.
1: It doesn't require any blood tests.
2: It is most effective in treatment of bipolar depression, which is a much larger problem for me than mania.
3: It doesn't include weight gain as possible side effects, and generally its side effects are less than that of the other drugs.
However, he did warn me about a possible side effect that causes the layers of skin to separate and develop into a rash of lesions. It is very, very rare. However, my brain is retarded. And no matter how rare it is, I am now freaking out about the whole thing, which is causing me to hold off on taking the first dose. I have no reason to suspect that I will suffer from this reaction, but I'm worried about it nonetheless. Worry, worry, worry. That's all I do, it seems.
I wish I knew some other people who are on this medication to talk about it with.
