It's really aggrivating to me the way things have turned out. I really don't know what else to say. I wish I could find another job fast but who knows how things will go. Not to mention the fact that I have no idea how a new job would even turn out. It makes me sad that things have come to this.
Work Again
So I had today what I would consider my worst day ever at my current employment. Everything was chaotic and everyone was busy ripping shit up and cleaning and basically trying to turn the place into a completely different work enviorment for some investors that are coming next week. With all my bosses gone that I had grown to appreciate and, for the most part, like, I now face a new set of managers who have to walk in step with the corporate line because if they don't they'll be gone just like my old boss.
The Long Road to Relaxation
I am restless. Not just the normal "I'm bored and I wish I had something to do" kind of restless. More like the "I feel like jabbing my eyeballs out" kind of restless. I easily could find something to do or somewhere to go if I truly wanted to but at the end of the day I don't really want to do anything. Unfortunately that is only adding to this overwhelming feeling that I am wasting every second of my time doing nothing productive and I might as well just keel over.
There's been a lot of bad shit going on at work lately, too much to really get into, but needless to say it has caused me a lot of excess stress which I have been dealing with about as well as one could expect. I've had good days and bad days. One moment things don't seem as bad as I think the next they are ten times worse. I guess I can only just wait it through and see what happens for now, but the uncertainty really frustrates me. That, more than anything, makes me just want to give up and find a new job. I need stability, not confusion. My life is unstable enough without work being a giant pile of shit.
In other news, I've slowly but surely started working on my SSI forms. It's kind of a pain in the ass, and it doesn't help to know that I'm going to immediately be rejected. It's hard to motivate yourself when you know failure is the first in a long line of steps toward getting the help I need. Oh well. What else can I do?